parents are awkward on facebook
It was really only a matter of time before my mother joined the facebook. Many of my friends’ parents have recently started stalking their children the way we have always stalked our peers, yet it seems somehow eerie when it’s coming from the generations that never had to worry about drunk texting, Google stalking, and of course, pirating.
To be fair, I did invite my mother to join facebook. We don’t talk much because I hate talking on the phone, so I thought it might be a way to bridge the gap between conversations. Don’t worry, though: she and all my other relatives are on limited profile, which–according to my personal settings–means she can’t see my tagged photos and the more risque photo albums I’ve posted with exceptionally appropriate titles such as “I have to pay to have sex on my birthday?!” and “A handful’s all you need” (this one is an artistic series of photos in which I am grabbing one or both of my best friend’s D-cups over the course of several nights out during our senior year of college). Now, it’s not that I’m afraid of my parents seeing me in such compromising situations as doing a keg stand in a mini-skirt while one of my friends pinches the fabric between my legs (we are a classy lot, and don’t you forget it), for I’m pretty sure they had at least a vague idea of what I was up to when I was allegedly doing the family proud and earning my degree. Even though I think they know more or less about my youthful indiscretions, I doubt very seriously they want to see evidence of it. Likewise, I wouldn’t want to see my father snorting coke off a Turkish whore’s ass while he and his Army buddies drink cheap liquor and make fun of/ have fun with the locals–damn am I glad these events were never documented, let alone published on the interwebs.
I digress.
Since my mother joined facebook, she discovered the handy little tool that allows you to import your email contacts and see whether any of them are on facebook. Now, I’m not sure whether she got confused or ambitious, but she wound up inviting all her contacts to join facebook. So now all of my aunts and uncles are jumping aboard and I am beginning to think that I’ve created a slippery slope that can be proved in a court of law to bring about the apocalypse (Parli Pro: You just lost the debate. In your FACE).
Now with prestigious publications like Time and Internetnews.com (what?) telling us that all our beloved social networking sites are age-appropriate for our parents, why does it feel so wrong? Perhaps it’s because through trial, error and a lot of awkward situations we have mastered the Rules of Facebook. Our parents, however have not. Take, for example, how I recently found my parents’ 30-somethings next-door-neighbors on facebook. I am fairly close with these people, having worked for him and having lived just a train ride apart from them while we both lived in England. Their son is one of my favorite kids ever. So imagine my shock and confusion when I add Tracey as a friend, only to find she’s already friends with my mom’s brother Steve–a man she has never met and probably doesn’t even know exists in any comprehensible social capacity. That’s because Awkward Uncle Steve used the Gmail contact importer and friended everyone who has ever been on an email chain with him, including my best friend and my 2nd cousin on my dad’s side.
So yes, I am glad I am friends with my mom (and my Uncle David, Aunt Karyn, Aunt Kathi, Aunt Nancy, and Uncle Steve) on facebook, but I don’t think I will ever have with them the same experience I have with my friends who understand the importance of the phrase “everybody does it, nobody talks about it” with respect to facebook stalking.
